Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
