Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
