I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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