This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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