Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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