yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
