The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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