He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i now understand why vodka
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
