I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We're not piercing ourselves today.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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