How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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