Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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