The maid of honor just puked.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
