i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I could make wine with my vomit
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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