We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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