Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
