a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
