I wish you could order shots online.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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