Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize