He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
