he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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