Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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