i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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