So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
