I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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