Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
