tell your sister to shave her snatch
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
