I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
