The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
