trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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