dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
