So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
