That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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