OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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