We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
