I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize