I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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