I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
