do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize