Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
