you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize