Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
