Kiss
Puke
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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