I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
