dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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