I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
