im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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