somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Can I color on your dick again?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
