awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
