my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
