thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
