where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
