try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
At least life still wants to fuck me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
