i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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