She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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