Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
