living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
