It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
