I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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