your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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