Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
