i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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