Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
foreskin is a definite game changer
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
