why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
