She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
