apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize