so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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