I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
