i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
