I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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