She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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