"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
