My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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