Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
this just has baby written all over it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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