He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
