Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize