My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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