I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
