Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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